drink some water, pull the trigger, get a bfast sandwich. Only good things.
Cool, see you soon... she just admitted to her friends that it was a queef.
this text is just filler to avoid a lull in the conversation
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I think I just found part of a tooth on my bed... What goes on in here?
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
I'm ordering a French maid costume for my dog too. It's like a couples costume, except for losers with dogs.
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
I Never thought my late 30s would end up with me getting eaten out on a desk in the managers office of a lululemon, but I guess being a franchise owner has its perks!
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