Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
i really wanted you to get laid last night and i didnt think you were going to. so i posted porn on your facebook.it made sense at 3am
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
Do you want the really bad news or the bad news? Or do you want it in chronological order?
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
I might've decided it was a good idea to try to steal all of the pool balls at the pub... I apologize in advance that we now need to become regulars somewhere (anywhere) else.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
I'm sure we could make a ball of yarn and a nickel into a drinking game
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
When you and Blake get an apartment I want you to buy this Costco couch I'm currently passing out on.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I just saw my 7th grade teacher at the club. We had a pretty good talk over drinks. Turns out we both like dancing on tables.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
Randomize
