why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
I can't sleep so instead I'm thinking of all the things I would love to do to you right now
That's weird, I usually just count sheep
I have one thing to say: spongebath.
I wish that wasn't all you had to say. And by that, I mean I wish you hadn't said that at all.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
I'm getting a car wash man. I am go get a car wash high.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
