the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
I'm not going to blow you while you look at fish on the internet.
we made out inside of a kiddie slide for about 20 mins. it was the sexiest, most suffocating experience I've ever had
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
I just found my "random bang list for summer of 2012" that I wrote last night.. It's written on a Plan B receipt. If this isn't irony I don't know what is.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Woke up with a pineapple again... where do i keep on getting these ??
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
