Friend I haven't seen in almost a year just IMed me to let me know that my mom stuck her boob out the window on the freeway at her.
Her mom responded by mooning my mother. I really don't know what's worse.
my coke dealer is running a Black Friday special
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
Just watched an entire Mariachi band walk of shame home together. Halloween at its finest
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
He gave me twenty cool ranch tacos and declared, drunk, " Look, I do good"
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
