My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
Ill do this for you.
You are a team player.
This is me making up for not putting my tongue inside you more.
Have thirty minutes until my shift starts. My heart says liquor store but my future says no
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
She told me I should be a condom model.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
he got mad becuase i made more noise when he gave me a back massage then i do when we actually have sex
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
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