hipster in red sally jessy raphael glasses inside. kick her.
Last night i stole a disco ball from a frat house by pretending i was pregnant.
I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
Finished drinking tea out of a red party cup when I was done I flipped it without even thinking
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
I'm doing this for my boobs. They miss him.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
