Did we have sex?
No you put the condom on then passed out on the bed so I left
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
White grape blunt wraps are like the equivalent of a glass of wine in a tux.
Remind me tomorrow that I was taking shots of burnetts in the subway line while placing my order
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
I just remember looking over and seeing you on top of him and us high fiving. That's when I knew we'd be perfect roommates
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
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