Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
we were running to make last call and you stopped me and said very seriously "if i fall, go on without me. just make sure theres a beer in my hand when you go"
I wanna die of smoke inhalation. In a huge teepee. Or one of those big things kids in kindergarten have that you throw up in the air then sit inside of.
I'm sorry I peed on your everything.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Awwww breaks my heart, I just wanna fix his teeth and give him a blowjob.
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
And I'm laying here struggling with the notion that I need to put pants on.
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
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