A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Im eating a cannibus peanut butter and jelly sandwich, while snuggling a stuffed animal. Either this flu is really really harsh or I'm some kind of stoner toddler
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
He asked me not to hook up with anyone else because it would hurt his feelings.. while his arm was around his pregnant girlfriend.
he bit THROUGH my nipple
plus side, no need to pay for a piercing.
Wanna go get tea? Warning: I will be high in an hour.
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Randomize
