No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
That moment that random you banged behind the bar is going to be your son's third grade teacher... yup I'm there.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
It was a strange night. I made out with his college roommate and said "do you care?" beforehand.
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
did you know that sneaking into a golf course at midnight is a felony? the cop made sure to tell us after she peed on the course and hit on him
Randomize
