2:23 am: come sit on my lap i have a stick that'll keep you in place
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I just saw a 3 year old try to break out of a daycare by driving a big wheel at full speed into a metal gate. Today is going to be epic.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
Want to get drunk and look at an xray of my dick?
I think a girl on my floor is watching zombie porn. There is literally no other description for the noise coming from her room.
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
Randomize
