tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He threw up. He never throws up. It was like finding out superman cant fly anymore. I was so sad for him.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
We had half a pitcher of beer left and he asked us if we wanted a to-go cup. Fuck yeah we want it to-go.
Will it make you feel better if we wear the title of dysfunctional fucking roommates? It requires monogamy unless we want to bang someone together.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I didn't even have pants on and you think I had an agenda
I renamed some of my contacts in my phone before passing out and I have one I cant figure out, its "fucking house elf scum"
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
When we were in Vegas he tried to get an Elvis impersonator to act dead on a toilet so he could take photos. This is even worse
Randomize
