Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
I was thinking Sara Jessica Parker was hot. That high.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
there are no losers in shot checkers. only winners.
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Randomize
