Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
What is the current exchange rate for ramen to jello shots?
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
It's okay to admit that you're into redheads.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
Randomize
