i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I'm going to kill the bastard that switches my hot hookups from the previous night with ugly chicks
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
Does slim fast make a chocolate heart for valentines? If so that's what she's getting.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
Remember that time we became friends because I shotgunned a Tall Boy in your bathroom?
Those memories are both hazy and awesome.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
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