then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I've gotten 23 condolence texts about Germany's defeat. I got 3 for our break-up. That's how much my friends don't like you.
You didn't know it was a gay bar until the 7th guy rejected you. You were crying because you thought it was just a bad night. No more for you.
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
See that doesn't work because we've had sex so its awkward for you to call me mom
When he busted out the ketchup I got the hell out of there. It got really creepy really fast.
Randomize