Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
I want to make a porn site called "girls with daddy issues"
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
He acted like he was sleep fucking because I woke up to him screwing me in the middle of the night and he had is eyes closed and was mumbling things the whole time and wouldn't respond to me.
Is that even possible?
I called him by the wrong name to test him and he instantly stopped, rolled over and acted like he was still sleeping...I think he might break up with me tomorrow.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Vodka drinking games. Where you wake up next to a douche lord and see your thong in the blinds.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
He kept screaming "I am the thunder!" when he was riding me.
Randomize
