I was so drunk last night I wanted to download a Busta Rhymes album.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
you haven't really lived until you are in a situation where your vagina is hanging out
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
hey at least you are getting hit on, i spent all day researching cat sedatives
Fantasizing about the apocalypse is fun and shit until the conditions that could lead to one suddenly seem feasible
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
No no no, I want to share him with you. Think of it as me sharing a piece of delicious pie with you. He was THAT GOOD.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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