I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
Well he can play the xylophone with his erect cock... So he's got that going for him
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
2 girls slept in my bed with me. 3 more girls slept on a mattress on my floor. The furthest I got was cuddling. Here's my man card.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
i dunno but you just looked at him said "youre making me really wet" and straight pissed your pants
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