I am NOT getting arrested in a batman mask
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'be color coordinated the clothes in my closet and my underwear drawer. I'm like an advertisement for house arrest. Help.
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
Randomize
