Can I sleep on your couch? My wife just found my eHarmony account.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
What am I legally allowed to do to a girl that is the equivalent of me punching her in the face?
You hooked up with another girl while you were with me. You were literally holding my hand while you did it.
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
Found a pic on my phone from last night. You're drunk. Arm wrestling some guy. In the bar bathroom. At a baby changing station. It's my new wallpaper.
Your penis is the destroyer of worlds.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
