my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
So the chick throws up over the rail from the 15th floor at the sky bar and I knew I would take her back to my hotel.
I told him he could fuck me once he could grow a beard. Never expected seeing him ten years later with a goatee and a great memory...
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
I told him I was studying his body for art, so now I have to actually do a drawing of him to not look like a creep and so we can hook up again.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
My brain is like a TV with 10 channels, 9 of them are static and the other one just plays that one Nagito Komaeda edit on loop 24/7
Randomize
