I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
If court goes my way we are flying to Vegas.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Oh my god I would go to planned parenthood the same day I get my nipples pierced
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
So I scratched the whole boyfriend plan and got wasted. Wanna try again tomorrow?
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