I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
You need to tell your booty call to take some sudafed or something. I swear I thought you were humping Kermit the frog last night
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
when he pulled his cock out I told him he'd brought a knife to a sword fight
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
