I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
I almost drank vegetable oil. Where were you? I needed you.
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
I'm in the kitchen making quiche for my fuck buddy and his wife. I'm probably not the chick to get dating advice from.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
day drinking didnt prepare me for this..
Randomize
