this kid down the hall keeps banging on his drums...i feel like i'm living in jumanji
You don't give head? I'm offended and I don't even have a cock...
I woke up and there was 3 different size condom wrappers on the floor. What is this goldie locks and the 3 condoms???
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
I just stole a conducting baton from the chicago symphony orchestra... i have to stop drinking on weeknights
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Alcohol won't break your heart. I mean, unless it's all gone maybe
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
How many weight watcher activity points do you think sex is worth?
Randomize
