tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
i will soon be in a relationship on fb
you!?
me and your mom. i mean, lisa.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Evidently I placed three booty calls at the same time...it was an ugly scene. I'm never getting that high again.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I told my coworker that I'd get him some edibles because he wants to rekindle his marriage. I'd better get some good karma out of this.
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
Randomize
