end the night at a gay bar...not sure how...but why the fuck do i have two condoms in my pocket?
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
6 margaritas later and free shots of tequila, i woke up with a fat lip and they said i blew my nose in a slice of bread
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
So we stayed at his mom's and all got drunk and he and I hooked up in his old bedroom. Then his drunk mom came in and tackled us when we were still naked. Why does this keep happening to me?
I walked in and found you petting your fish outside the bowl, you said its fine, you do this all the Time.
You guys are like the reason that ketamine is a controlled substance.
I heard a crunch while giving him head. I looked up and he was eating Cheese Itz. So we made a deal that he'd take a hand job so I could eat them too.
Had dinner with a married woman but didn't have sex with her. Tweeted at Mike Pence to apologize anyway.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
He was married to his college girlfriend for 20 years. Just give him the blow job he’s been fantasizing about since last century and he’ll be wrapped around your little finger
Randomize
