Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
i got a standing ovation for bringing skittles to the party
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
So did you grab that log full of poison ivy for the fire and then apparently take a piss on Saturday night too or was that just me?
will we ever learn or are we destined for a life of poison ivy covered balls?
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
It's not stalking if you do it on LinkedIn...
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
