I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
It was going well until he told me about the 7k he made in college to be in a gay porn
At least my fat-chick-ratio has not been that bad this semester ...
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
I hope you gays don't get too crazy after DOMA. Gay divorces aren't any better than straight ones.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
Randomize
