so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
Maybe STDs were invented to keep stupid people from having kids.
Bro, there is a rent-a-cop selling syringes out of the trunk of his car. This is why I hate the DMV.
The ONE weekend I don't put anything up my nose, and it decides to bleed like crazy
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I ate her out in the bathroom and she did my makeup. Man i love being a lesbian
you said "i met the love of my life tonight" and i said "me?" and you said "no, hummus"
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
The only good thing about the sex was that he finally cracked the spot on my back that's been hurting.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Randomize
