i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
I don't think brook has ever known best
im holly from the hills drunk
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
I promise you I could read that dogs mind, he was arguing with the other dog saying he knows how fucked up I am
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
Remember middle school health class where we used to say that when we lost our vcards we would be on the pill, using a condom, and have had our partners tested first? We were so optimistic.
You have not lived until you've seen your mother stumble into the house with one shoe on mumbling incoherently about tequila cupcakes.
Didn't know what to wear so I ripped off my bed sheets and tied myself a toga. "a little hungover" is no way to describe me right now.
You know what would make the espn body photos even better? If anyone knew who any of those fucking athletes were. That, and maybe not feature Gary Player.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
You owe me a one night stand and a line. Possible an inflatable flamingo as well. And a caesar salad.
It took me an hour to walk from my drive way to my front door... what the fuck was in that weed?
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
Randomize