let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
body shots are frowned upon at family weddings. i'll keep that in mind next time. maybe.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
And my parents said I crawled through the house
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Me and my boss just exchanged pictures of our bongs and such...I don't know I feel about this
Randomize
