I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
Thanks for stopping me from doing a one man keg stand by myself clad in only a towel. that probably wouldve ended badly.
I fucked your brother... Hey, at least we know he is not gay... You're welcome.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
sitting alone on a bench with a sombrero and a bottle of vodka. really angry i got here before you guys.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
We have GOT to stop getting stoned and going out for expensive dinners.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
My EX’s roommate heard about the breakup and offered to help me bang it out. I think she hates her even more than I do.
Sorry I’m late. Got horny watching the traffic report and had to rub one out
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
