What's the procedure for failed threesomes? Do I friend her on facebook this morning?
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
Just chased ups truck with a half wiped ass for you. You're making dinner tonight
Caught my drug dealer jacking off. I think this is a new step in our relationship
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
Matt's offering to breast feed it.
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
Hooked up with a guy that looked like Dean Thomas. Mediocre at best, but I stopped myself from calling him Dean in bed. So I got that going for me.
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
Not saying I'm a lesbian. Just saying that every time she walks by I wanna scissor her
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
I have wine with a bendy straw bitches I can do fucking anything
After we won that round of beer pong you attempted to swallow the winning ball whole claiming you had the mouth and jaw of a snake.
A snake? I must've been gone...
After that you got naked and hissed at people the rest of the night..
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