Family of uber douches all wearing ed hardy in a hummer taking up 2 parking spots at starbucks. Please be more cliche
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Hey everyone. This evenings celebration will commence with a cocktail hour at genghis at 830 to be followed with an upscale dining experience at taco bell at 10. All are welcome. This is not a joke. Thank you
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
He sent me a snapchat of himself growing a double chin. I think we're past the stage where there's any risk of us sleeping together. Ever.
You should not have followed "the guy who peed in my bed" with "he smells good."
Is it rude to send him a, "happy birthday, I hope you finally get an STD" text?
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
I thought it was your cat but I was wrong your Roomba is possessed by a pissed-off evil spirit.
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