Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
it was like eating out sand paper
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
he was so high that he wouldn't speak to anybody for like 30 minutes, he'd only gobble, like a turkey.
She's either too fat to type, hammered or has terrible spelling.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
You know how there are wrinkles in your brain? What if they were filled with potato chips? That's kind of how my head feels now.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
so i was about to call you for your birthday but then i started making out with this guy... and i feel bad but i felt like you'd understand
I have mystery bruises on my right knee, right arm, under my chin, and on my forehead. What the fuck happened last night??
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