i just want his dick, seriously i'm about to take trifiling lessons. we'll call my alter-ego blair and she will screw his brains out, girlfriend or not.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
you made sure you came back for your bottle of vodka but didn't remember to take your shoes
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
third nipple confirmed
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
Did you just email Kelly and I gay dinosaur erotica?
All you need is a handful of lube and an open mind
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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