I wanna passion pit in your ass
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
He won't let me have sex with him, but feels bad if I won't let him get me off. It is the weirdest, best, most confusing pseudo relationship I've been in.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
my math prof is telling us what to do in a gun fight. i dont want to live in oakland anymore.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
That's a lot of people she's fucked in one picture.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Haha i really think theres no better way to tell a paramedic sorry for breaking your nose than a beautiful and healthy edible arrangement...
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
