i feel like i'm waiting in line to date brett michaels
Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
I just won unlimited hot dogs for life. I'm so glad I smoked
She got a digital picture frame for her birthday. FINALLY - a place for me to sneak all those penis shots I've taken with my iPhone.
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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