I totally just used John Mayer's lyrics to get laid.
Last night I dreamed I was having gay sex in prison. That's the last time we go to theme night at the club.
Pretty sure I went to the bar in my bathing suit, sweat pants, and high heels.
If theres one good thing that came out of our relationship its this chicken recipe. And squirting.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
When we were fucking he said and I quote "we're like a sex fajita"
I walking on her passed out on her bed, clutching a burrito and the walking dead dvd on replay.
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
You thought you were drunk? I woke up at 6 o'clock this morning with a cheeseburger in my left hand a drink in my right with my window half way down. it was raining.... fml
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
My last Google search was 'can an impotent man have sex'. I don't even want to know what I did with that guy.
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