You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
im pretty sure i tried to attack the vending machine last night
lol who won
well im in the hospital right now so u tell me
Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
Btw when I was saying "fuck you" I meant it like "be quiet beautiful princess"
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
Randomize
