I want to walk on stilts...naked
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
I'm sure I'm not the FIRST newly single girl to table dance at a family restaurant.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
he's the only person i know who can drink himself into and out of alcohol poisoning.
Im sleeping in your bed. Sorry for the sand and the noise and the loud people. Im starving
Your blankets are not drunk friendly
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
We exchanged snapchat usernames instead of numbers. Is that what America has come to?
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
She made me baby bird juul smoke to her while we were fucking
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