and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Yeah. I stopped her before she flashed the guy for a free slice of pizza. She called me a gentleman and then before I knew it she was in my bed.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
So I feel like I should have had a going away party for your dick. Complete with balloons and cake. Yeahh that's right. I'm gonna miss it.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Smoking a bowl in nothing but a flamingo thong.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
So someone just asked us for our kidneys?!?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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