update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
I threw up in a flower pot outside the bar last night and have a date tonight....I think I missed something
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
I'm fucked-out. That state of being high between fucked up and passed out.
Randomize
