so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I just saw at least a dozen senior citizens on roller blades. way to drunk for this.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
i still can't believe he got laid by going to the bar and handing out "cuddle buddy" application forms
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
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