I am currently trying to use a tide to go pen to remove the jizz from my backseat, it's not working...
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
sooo my mom just yelled up the stairs " you left your bowl down by the computer"....aaand for a second I forgot cereal bowls still existed
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
You only ask me to come over when your gf is gone, and thats usually at midnight to cook chicken salad and watch you pass out
I like my landing strip. Makes me feel sophisticated.
What you did last night can never be called sophisticated. I don't care how you trim your pubes.
She dresses cool and she's mean. And she has fake boobs I feel like I can relate to her on so many levels.
My office already closed tomorrow. I'm bout to get drunk and build a muh fuckin fort. I shall call it "Fort Fuck You, Sandy, You Fuckin Bitch"
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Imp drunk. It'd free popcorn tuedday I love life.
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