No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
You had two tasks: \n1) put on a condom \n2) text me so I don't walk in on you \nIt really isn't that hard
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Is valentines day the worst or best day to ask for a threesome? I'm weighing some options on this high-risk manoeuvre.
Whatever I'm getting wasted, my costume's bomb, and there's a good chance I'm getting laid. Not letting stupidity ruin my night!
He wanted me to choke him with my feet. So now I feel obligated to start writing my memoir
That portion can talk about stepping out of your comfort zone and how it can potentially kill people
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
All of my friends are hooking up and here I am, the lone asexual, looking for someone to eat these tostitos with me.
he is sitting in the driveway by himself laughing at nothing, idk what to do
Randomize
