Kelly Kapowski is pregnant and it's not Zach Morris'. I no longer believe in true love.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
No one needs to know about the barren wasteland that is my vag. Sometimes i visualize my cervix rocking back and forth wondering where everybody went.
I just pictured that. It's reading a book.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
i ate her out in full view of all her roomates. the word awkward doesnt even cover it.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
