Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I was in a threesome last night that turned into a violent domestic dispute with damage to a hotel. Wish you were there!
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
it's my sixth sense. If there's an orgy within 20 miles of me i'll know about if. Or be a part of it.
the only good thing about him lasting five minutes was that nobody thinks i had sex with him or that im a slut because we were only in the bathroom for five minutes
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
True friends don't judge, they just try to have more booty calls than you do.
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
Yeah just had sex and grub hub came right after he did. I’d say it’s a win.
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
Randomize
