I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You will go out on a boat of flames filled with honor, sarcasm, and assholery, let me assure you.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
what compelled you to fill her bra with pudding and freeze it in the first place?
i might remember if i didn't get knocked out with it later that day.
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
"Because this is an ongoing legal matter" is how his morning after sex text began. So...
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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