why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
At any point in time, have you stopped and thought "I wonder how high Willie Nelson is right now?
He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
I don't know what happen last night but the fact that it's 9 am and I need to put my dick in something means it didn't go as planned.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
Whenever I have a bad day I just look at the negetive pregnancy test I keep in my purse and remind myself things could be alot worse.
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
