I couldn't walk, so he carried me all the way home; and then I told him that I wasn't drunk enough to fuck him. Poor kid.
I would like to add..this is the first november for two years that i haven't cheated on a bf...thank you..thank you
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Nothing says “I spent too much in Vegas” quite like eating a jar of pickles for dinner and planning on cream of celery soup for breakfast tomorrow.
Randomize
