Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
Haha its fine we ask know it. He's still cool thought
Focus on the keyboard man. Focusssss
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
There is absolutely a 0% chance my hips will make it out of this twerking business fully functional
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
I'm 4,715,723% sure I don't give a fuck.
You fell asleep while I was sucking your dick
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