I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
Today is definitely a "stand over the toilet and pee through the opening at the bottom of my boxers" kind of day.
I guess the silver lining is that having a big dick really comes in handy when you're hungover.
It's a mixed blessing.
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Highlight of the week: I had sex with a B movie star wearing an eye patch.
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
chipped my right front tooth on a toilette. i figure if i keep drinking i won't care for at least 2 days
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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