i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
so,apparently a side effect from having sex on the beach is now i have a tanline shaped like your sister
i hate you
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
Thank you for caring about my cervix.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
She's sent me the same nudes using the same gestures and positions... It's like she has a template for her sluty-ness
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
