did you seriously just ask me if there is such thing as a sophisticated batman shirt?
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I can dream in two languages, but it's still about ripping a bong.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
I feel violated by Miley Cirrus's performance in the VMA's.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
how should I feel if a guy kept complimenting my bangs while I was giving him a blowjob?
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I'm sitting here with a heating pad and a fan on me eating snow caps off of my boobs
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
Once someone takes a shit in your toilet they are no longer a guest.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
