This phone does not accept mass texts. Try again.
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
Apparently oprah and I were in competition to see who's ass could get bigger this summer
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
You rang?
Saw a ginger and the first thing I thought of doing was yelling "you have no soul!" so I called you so we can yell it together with you on speakerphone.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I told you, I'm taking a sledgehammer to your walls. Fuck your walls.
I'm Batman.
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I'll just bring the big suitcase this trip so I don't have to play wine bottle tetris again.
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
I'll give you some leg action but I'm not showing you anything else until your penis admits it loves me
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
Randomize