Laziness has reached now heights if you too unmotivated to buy pot
I am SOOO high
tell me about your high
HUGE THUMBTACKS
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
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