So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
Have you ever seen a porn where they were playing bluegrass in the background?
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
Chick last night said she only gets off if she rubs her childhood blanket her parents gave her during sex
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
Its official, if she bites your dick through your jeans, ya'll go together. A lesson you shouldn't have to learn after the fact.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
It'll be a pair of asscheeks that light up when they're summoned.
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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