ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
He just asked me if I'd be interested in couples therapy. Fuck my life.
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
I would fuck him just for his dog
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
Alan said you can come over and eat me out anytime you want, as long as we give him enough notice to hide in the closet before we arrive
He’s older
Like “has a job and pays his bills” older or “still watches porn on DVD because he can’t figure out the Internet” older?
Randomize
