Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
my phone vibrated itself into my puke bucket and literally sizzled. you'll have to reach me at this number for a while.
The cops just drove by on their loudspeaker going DO NOT DRINK THE WATAHH
I love boston
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
You're too morally constrained. I firmly believe that you should be less concerned with how young she is and more excited by the fact that she's not jailbait by virtue of a legal technicality.
No it was good. I serenaded the holding cell occupants with a fabulous rendition of Making Love out of Nothing at all. It was fucking amazing!
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
Masturbating during the Olympics and cumming during the national anthem really is everything it's cracked up to be. Just thought you should know.
Also I would love to pregame at your place if I weren't stuck at mine drinking laxatives
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
I mean, I was going to use them for a beading project, but I guess I could take one and let you bat my dick around like a cat toy.
Broken heels while double fisting margaritas, picking up shirtless, bloody men and escorting them out of harms way, the meltdown when I realized I can go without a bra bc my boobs shrunk, the morning vodka red bull you were forced to drink? Which one roped you in?
Randomize
