i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
Remeber, hes got nothing better to offer you than drunk words and hairy balls.
I just saw a hobo ride by on a unicycle. Good day.
Just watched a guy pause a bluetooth convo to puke outside of esso. gotta love orangeville
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
He offered to drive me out of state to meet up with my fuck buddy. Like best brother in law ever.
this is not the first time I've had hot dogs and 151 for thanksgiving.
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Men are not even allowed to look at you without a condom on.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
We're going to ride the bus of mixed signals all the way to unrequited love town and that's where I'm going to live my life and then die.
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Randomize
