I want to make a zoo with you.
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
You're the common denominator of my blackouts.
I just haymakered a dude with my face, can we talk about ME for a second and not the guy I fought?
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I literally forgot every French word I knew and blurted out “mange moi” so he went down on me like I was some baguette fresh outta the oven!!!! I passed out.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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