He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Its great. Every time she starts barking i know ive got approximately 37 seconds to hide my gf in the closet and throw some clothes on
Had to crawl to the kitchen this morning cuz I was too hung over but really wanted fruity pebbles. yes. I ate fruity pebbles on the kitchen floor.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
What exactly is it about Doctor Who thigh high socks with a matching shirt that says "take me I'm yours!"
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Slept in and having coffee. No sounds of whipping and no veiny dildos next to me. This is good. How's your mornin?
Randomize
