the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
Oh just living the dream. And by living the dream I mean drinking franzia out of a martini glass and watching family matters. Also, drinking every time Carl Winslow has a mustache and Eddie wears MC Hammer pants
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
So how do u get your coat out of the coat room when someone is fucking on it?
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
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