When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Revenge fucks should not count towards the total number. They're justified.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Dude, this guy showed up with a 40 and stayed for two days. I want that lack of responsibility
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I don't mean to crush your hopes and dreams but having sex IN the Stanley Cup isn't possible
It's Valentine's Day, I figure for sure we'll have sex today, right? Wrong. I tried unsuccessfully for like an hour to get him to fuck me. Now he's asleep and I'm on my way to join the public library.
I touched a dick in church today
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
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