Is it normal that I have to take off my pants to get mouth stitches removed?
I cont stop tolking in a british axsent
Ok so my english teacher told me i could have 5 absences bc of my "problem". I have no idea what she is talking about
my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
They both told everyone they fell in a mud puddle
Oh they definetly fell in the mud, repeatedly, on top of each other
I couldnt give him head when all I could hear was his little brother playing the piano and this family singing along to it.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
Remind me never to smoke before babysitting again. Ate an entire bottle of children's gummy vitamins.... not an easy thing to explain to parents.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Randomize
