Her vagina should come with caution tape.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
So excited for tonight I might actually pee my pants BEFORE I get blackout
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
No idea. I woke up in the middle of the night to you drooling and gnawing on my arm. Then you rolled over, punched the air 4 times, then proceeded to talk about your hair in your sleep.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Randomize
