I think my fart just growled at me.
Espresso. Can't sleep. Love puppies
four days late. damn you, makeup sex. you win again.
So he said if we had sex he'd take me to Build A Bear. My virginity is so worth a trip to build a bear.
You're 20.
IT'S BUILD A BEAR!
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
Dude. I kneed him in the face and gave him a black eye. It's like a constant reminder of our hookup. I feel like herpes. I never go away...
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
I just made mac at 3:10 am... My life is falling apart...
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