Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
he said i'm too pretty to suck penis
It's so hard to take my boss as an authorative figure with her New Moon movie tickets taped to her wall
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
Why is there 6 cases of kwic trip dounuts dumped in my bed? Best 34 dollar wake up of my life
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
I have just disproved the common belief that it is impossible to have mediocre sex in a fire truck.
The fire in my vagina flames on. Fucking terrible firefighter
Oh thank the gods of upholstery, i thought that was never coming out...
official rule: if your drunk, it doesn't count
then nothing in my life counts
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Can you send me the picture of me licking the cows udders?
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
