a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
youll never guess who i didnt fuck at that party
This last weekend single handedly took me off the liver transplant list
I just got asked if I have a rule for sleeping with people. Like they have to buy me dinner first etc...
On that note, do I have a rule?
Just found out my mom's voicemail password is 6969..
This dude. Just lost. A finger. He asked us for tape.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
I woke up to find that chris drank one of my contacts.
Yeah he's good at that.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Sitting in my kitchen at 3am, craving dick and eating peanut butter instead. I'm not sure how I feel about being 27.
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
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