Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
That chick needs a catscan. And fuck it, we're still ordering in a stripper
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
no you're not allowed back
come on. everbeers was a great idea. you fucks had a great night
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
He sent me a poorly photoshopped picture of his shaved dick wearing a Hot Dog on A Stick titled "Shorndog"...
Did I fall on/off the boat yesterday? Cuz my right leg looks and feels like if it got hit by shrapnel.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
When you went off to sleep with that guy that looked like a dirty Jesus and I asked why all you had to say "trying to keep Christ in Christmas" and left. The Vatican called, you're going to Hell.
please remind me of this if i ever start out a night declaring my goal is to see how much american honey it takes for me to forget who i am again
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
I just had 3 numbers I don't know text me and remind me I am to attend AA on monday. Im gonna say it was a good night.
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