my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Are they engaged or just dating? Girlfriends come and go but the memory of sex at the pool last forever.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
You just squeezed a person out of you and I'm drunks at 2PM. Our lives got traded and you know it and you're jealous.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
not even kidding I just received the single most greatest head I have ever had.. It was unreal. It was like stick my dick into a silk bag of puppy ears.
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
logically I know i should probably study somewhere outside my dorm room, but if I do that then I cant drink and smoke half as much while i study
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Just by hearing the girl outside reciting the info on her fake ID, I know it's gonna be a good night
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize
