this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
He tried peeing out of the sunroof.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
4 to the list in one week. Slutsville isn't as fun as the brochure promised.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
My roommate took my designated hickey removing spoon out of the freezer.
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
LET ME HAVE MY JUDGMENT OF OTHER PEOPLE
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
