in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
I've had balls on my face twice in last 48 hours and I STILL haven't got laid!
LISTEN TO ME! GAY. FIREFIGHTER. They are the most rare and precious kind of gay. The kind little gays dream of. It needs to happen.
Just walked into your room to get my clothes and he's still passed out in your bed. Remind me to high five you when you get home
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The front camera on the 5S is SO much better. This is great development for my international sexting.
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Last night I tried to apply for a job at ihop. That drunk.
also, my mom just called to make sure the dick tattoo on your arm was fake..
Randomize