I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
She highfived me after i yelled "I'm the clit-commander!" when i came. kevin smith fan and clearly a keeper
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She's dressed as a slutty Dalmatian. I doubt she has morals.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
It just hurt to pee because he was fingering for fucking gold in there.
Intramural soccer game tonight. Be ready for blood. I haven't sobered up since thursday
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
HE WAS DRESSED LIKE A FISHERMAN AND HE WAS LIKE OH SHIT I THINK I JUST FOUND THE DEADLIEST CATCH i couldnt not go for it my honour compelled me
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Hey guys.. So I accidentally broke the front door last night
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Once again, marijuana saves me from going to jail
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