I just saw a girl play flip cup with only her tongue
I'm in love
It was awkward until we both realized our obsessions with harry potter and sangrias were the same. Now were in love.
You need tk get a life and stop texting me about fictional characters. I don't give a shit.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
STOP fucking him and come play in the snow with us!
good news. according to wikipedia, my blackout might just have been "post-trauma amnesia"
Only thing I know is apparently I danced with a bouncer and we got a ride back from a valet who was driving one of the cars he was supposed to be parking
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I'm very fluent in vodka, but that seems to be a whiskey dialect.
I'm going to call you, don't answer. Need to practice moaning to your answering machine again
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
Ugh. I guess I'm crying loudly or something. My mom just came in and gave me milk, chocolate, a Xanax, and her weed "for the break up blues". Her ways of affection are so odd.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
Just boned her on my desk. on top of my term paper. take that professor dipshit
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