Really? You have stories that rival having a threesome with the two best friends of the guy your kinda seeing? Thats impressive.
If I had a penis I would totaly hang shit off it. Like stretched out peach rings and fruit rollups.
IM NOT LETTING YOU PEE ON ME IF THATS WHAT YOURE GETTING AT.
the ex, the guy i cheated on the ex with and the rebound are about to form a beer pong team at my party. is it bad i feel accomplished my pussy brought their union together?
Took his v-card last night. Yet another experience I didn't expect to have in my thirties.
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Tommorow.Eggs Benedict and surprise blowjob day
In that case, if you come anywhere near my house you can expect to be chased down various streets by a half naked me wielding a baseball bat. No, I am not giving you my address.
Why so serious bruh
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am drunkenly riding a razor scooter up and down the hills of Cincinnati
What in the fuck are you doing with your life
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
