I drank it, and now my boss keeps hitting me in the face with beams of light.
Tripping at your desk probably isn't the best plan you've had.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
I think it's safe to say taking shots on the way to the emergency room was rock bottom. We're going to need to think of ways to top that between now and next new years eve...
I could study for finals and ace all my tests but wheres the fun in that? id rather black out and hope for the best
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I mean, with your nipple problem im surprised. #hangacoatonem
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
i swear to god it was like we were fucking in 9 dimensions
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