You were right, I'm so drunk and I want to eat the shit out of my vanilla cupcake candle it smells delish
Experience is the best teacher
Dude my mom stole all your condoms
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
whatever it's my dick and i'll put it wherever i want
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Don't patronize me, I thought of that on peyote, so it was basically like a message from God.
My mother just made an innapropriate gesture with a cucumber while grocery shopping at whole foods... Then she said "bitches love cucumbers" and all this time i thought i was adopted
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
It was like a baby arm holding another baby arm holding an apple grove. Fuckin huge!
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