Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
I just was on a 20min team conference call where I didn't speak, I used a Gus Johnson soundboard online to answer questions asked to me...the highlight of 2010
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
New term. "Find a husband" fridays. It's like thirsty thursdays, but with a dowry.
I just feel like a little gay dolphin in a massive sea
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
Nothing says I'm committed to you for all eternity like letting him wear crocs to the wedding
I just learned in class that female whales slap their fins against the water and then ten males come and fight for her yet we can't get guys to text us back
Must be why he thought choking was foreplay. Like WTF? No.
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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