u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
I feel like if Miami and New Jersey fucked each other and produced a baby that would summarize the bar I'm in.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
YOUR DICK HAS BEEN IN ME I DO NOT WANT TO BE SET UP TO MEET YOUR FRIENDS
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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