new low.... made out with someone while peeing
where does the pee come out of this thing
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
I think I should just accept my destiny that I'm going to be someone's second wife
My tits sealed my fate
No, we got so into acting out our role play characters we didn't even fuck. still sucess.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Is it bad that I've been making new friends through your vagina networking? I don't think so
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
