You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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