I understand why you refuse to be sober now
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Rick Santorum just suspended his campaign. Lets celebrate by watching gay pornography together.
I bet it kind of sucks while you do community service I'm getting blown in the shower. haha
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
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