I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
Her vagina was like a man-sized safe.
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
Whatever. I hate you. My vagina hates you. I hope a bird shits on your head today.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
Randomize
