there is no way he can be that small
look on the bright side he'll over comepensate
The dog threw up again, this time IN the toilet. I've taught him well.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
Sending a pic of labia to send to the TN Legislator. Obviously they don't think I know what to do with it so I'm gonna ask them for advice.
Oh no. Did you guys fuck on my pull out couch?
We broke the bed while I was handcuffed to the headboard and let's just say that was a hard one to explain to the RA
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
It’s a dick. Seen one, seen em all. Unless it spews a fountain of tequila, I don’t need to see yours.
I kinda just want to steal him and keep him forever
Randomize