We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
college "breaks" should be renamed "reminder why you left your hell hole of a life in the first place"
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
just threw up on my speech test, so much for a great semester
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Dont eat ANYTHING off the floor at Matt's house. He likes floor sex.
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
So when this rash is gone wanna hang out?
you know that australian accents are like the bat signal to my vagina
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
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