He's the biggest piece of shit to ever exist. He's not even wearing shoes.
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
There is a bruise on my cock the size of a golfball. Bad sign.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
I asked a lamppost to be my valentine. Also: I'm wearing a sombrero. We need more sombrero in our lives.
Well... When your girlfriend fucks your sister, the 2 week courtesy window goes out the door.
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Stupid adulating
Yeah it sucks, but at least I can buy wine so it all comes out in the wash
You know the sex was rough when you wake up with a chipped tooth. I have no regrets
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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