I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
Just gave my little brother the collection of clothes that boys have left in my room since I've been in college for his birthday.
Intervention is following me on twitter.
wow.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
He tried to say "god bless your heart" to the stripper but it came out "god bless your pussy"
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
tried to order jimmy johns from the ER last night, the nurses did nottt approve
We just broke into a lion king sing along. Understanding is not possible.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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