McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
Don't use the things I tell you while drunk after the bruins won the cup against me
You know whats not fun? Making yourself throw up on a sand dune at 4 in the morning.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I am broke enough to accept it. If I get poisoned, you can have my shoes
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
One singular head for man, one giant climax for mankind
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
He also sent me nipple clamps because romance is NOT dead
I’m on my way to fuck the new hockey player
Ride him like a Zamboni
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
