hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
all i remember is you climbed in a garbage can and said you were trashed
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Lets ignore the fact that you want to turn your dorm room into a sex dungeon and focus on the real issues here.
Woke up to a note written on my hand that read "just because he kisses you, doesn't mean you have to sleep with him"
next time, write it on your vagina so its more effective.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I think I heard my penis growl. Wanna do lunch?
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
