my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
i made it my goal to pee in the sink of every apartment we went to last night. i didnt use the toilet once
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
I was worried he'd break you after the hiatus your lady parts had to take from social interaction.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
He's still short.... And probably a douchebag. But if we ever run into him downtown I fully encourage you to take him home and have "I hate you douchebag" sex and lick every inch of that disgustingly toned chest.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
Gonna try and have sex in the empire state bldg, will tell you how it goes
It’s official. I’ve hooked up with all three brothers now
You should go after Dad now
I should! He’s definitely middle age fuckable
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