I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I cant wait for the day that I tell my daughter I named her after my favorite porn star.
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
... was I dreaming when we did coke off of the xbox, or did that really happen?
My vagina supports interfraternal relations
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
If we can put a man on the moon, I'm sure we can turn a pringles can into a bong.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
Well its official, I'm into significantly freakier sex than even I thought possible.
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
