Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
the crazy preacher outside Willard just began a monologue that began with "when i look at a vagina." We should stop by there more often
Don't tell me wow. Tell me this is normal for college and in no way am I a whore.
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
i thought i'd fucked her to death. no lie. she just stopped moving.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Who takes their shirt off at the bar?! Classy broad
I do. In all fairness there was someone else's blood on it.
You peed up the stairs in front of everyone then blamed it on the dog
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I want this pizza in and around my mouth forever..
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
I still don't know his name but his ass is spectacular. Like he should never wear pants.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
How did I get home last night?
We put your keys on a lanyard that asked anyone that found you to bring you home. A nice man in a cape, green shorts and a mesh shirt dropped you off this morning.
Oh. Yeah. Riiiggghhht
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
