Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
Fair warning.. porn on your laptop when you turn it on.. seemed like a wonderful idea last night.. until it died
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
On second thought, trying to signify she was a butter face by wiping my bagel on her cheek may not have been in my best of interests
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Are you still feeling it? I'm in the bathtub. The water doesn't work but it's okay because I'm wearing pants.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
Oh and it took quite a bit of doing, but I managed to wipe my butt with the hat you left in my car
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
Randomize