Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
I feel like college is just one giant drunken trip to Taco Bell
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'd rather be sodomized with a fullly decorated Christmas tree.
Please, by all means, tell me what can't be helped by two stiff drinks & a blowjob?
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Good luck getting that all cat food off in the shower dumbass
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
