some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
I just want to let it be known that I almost put my phone in the fridge.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Then again, he has huge mansions.
*manboobs.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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