Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
I dont know why I dont listen to you more often. He wont stop texting me. And his signature is "dancing with no panties on"
i've lived in the woods for so long, as long as its post-op, i don't care.
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
i feel like our whole relationship was one big acid trip
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
The only pictures I have are of me being stoned or me looking like a man, which do you prefer?
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I felt like a responsible adult. A responsible adult that may or may not end up shitfaced. But not heaving purple puke into a urinal like last time because I'm classy now.
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
Nows a good time to tell him. Just be like "yeah, I used to bang her too and it didn't work out for us either". He'll understand.
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
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