What the fuck I just showed up to court still drunk and the judge told me I smelled like his wife
Haha so you are never gonna want to meet my mom now...she just found your thong in her front seat
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
Are you going to tell your therapist we boned?
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Fell off bed. Face first. 10 stitches. huge scar on forehead. totally going to start telling ppl my parents died fighting Voldemort.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
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