My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
I have only been in this city 3 nights and there are already 4 bars I can never go back to again.
I woke up to his little sister feeling me up. I guess it's time to meet the family.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Pretty sure the cop told you that you were the first person he pulled over for being drunk on a tractor. So there's that.
just called AAA to get my keys out of me car and then afterwards realized they were in my pocket...stoner life
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Randomize
